Judged

One of the things that I was really excited about when I got this job with Savage was the type of people I would be working with. I am a blue collar kid, I love working with my hands and enjoy the satisfaction that comes from manual labor. When I first got back from my mission I loved driving truck for Codale. I could have done work like that for the rest of my life. I loved helping people also. All of these things have carried over with me to Savage.

This job has been a struggle with that. I don’t do anything physical, and most people think I am just a pencil pusher. Today I was driving from one office to the other and I was thinking about how much I missed working with my brother Greg. He has a small piece of land and I loved building on it, bucking hay, feeding animals, and any other small projects we undertook. I go into offices where everyone is working, all the managers are working managers, most of the people I interact with on a daily basis are high school graduates. I love the people I work with. I come to work in slacks, and a dress shirt. So just seeing me walk up everyone can tell I don’t belong, people start whispering and most won’t say hello to me.

I share this because it goes along well with my story for the day. I am driving two and a half hours to my next office. I have been drinking water bottles all morning long and I stop for lunch. First thing I do is go to the bathroom. Then I eat and drink some more water, grab two Gatorades from a gas station, and get back on the road. I should have went to the restroom one more time but I didn’t think about it. So about 5 minutes back on the road I am ready to go again. Except now I am in farmland Kansas. I am getting ready to just pull over when I see some grain silos. I know there is a gas station right by it so I head there. I will top my tank off and use the restroom.

I am at like ¾ tank and so I am just filling up because I feel guilty using the bathroom without giving them any business. So I start the gas and start to realize I really need to go. So I just walk away and go inside. I come out and there is about 6 gallons of gas on the ground underneath my car….Oh shoot….I go out there and there is some old timer filling up his feed truck and he takes one look at me and just shakes his head.

I go inside get a clerk, there was some farmer there having lunch and he came out and helped me. Luckily it was hot today so it just evaporated pretty quickly. I kept trying to help and they were all pretty quick to say oh no we got it. They were all really friendly and just said it would be alright if I just drove off. I was like uhh okay. I am so embarrassed.

Then it hits me, in my mind I fit in to this place but all these people see is some kid in a new car, out of state plates, slacks, and a long sleeve dress shirt. I look like such a city slicker. I enjoyed the strong smell of gas for the next hour.

This is a long post but bear with me for one more point. I was reading a devotional by a BYU professor about our calling in life. He is disproving some of the common misconceptions about our “calling” in life. He was talking about how one of the ideas is that, “When I find my calling, work will be bliss.” Spilling gas is hardly something to get upset about but the earlier topic of working with my hands and being a pencil pusher is what I direct the next though process to.

I know being an accountant is my calling. As crazy as it sounds it is where I am meant to be. This is kind of hard to swallow, because I can’t imagine my life as a suit. Then the speaker said this, “We can’t expect deep meaningfulness from our calling unless we are willing to assume its burdens as well.”

I know being in a suit and tie behind a desk is such a burden. I guess this is me committing to a life time of hard work as an accountant. Chris Ledoux said it best –

Well I know some day farther down the road

I'll come to the edge of the great unknown

There'll stand a black horse riderless

And I wonder if I'm ready for this

So I'll saddle him up and he'll switch his tail

And I'll tip my hat and bid fairwell

And lift my song into the air

That I learned at that dusty fair

"Sit tall in the saddle, Hold your head up high

Keep your eyes fixed where the trail meets the sky

And live like you ain't afraid to die

And don't be scared, just enjoy your ride"

Now don't be scared, just enjoy your ride