Safety Net

Growing up with 3 older brothers who loved to punish me anytime I said or did something out of the ordinary, I grew up really tough. I learned fast how to not show emotion, showing emotions was like dropping blood in shark infested waters. A feeding frenzy of verbal and physical assaults would follow almost immediately any emotional display. Slowly I developed a very thick skin and short fuse. But hey if it had been any other way I would not have half the funny stories I am saving to roast my brothers with at some huge celebration. Like when Mike wins the Nobel Peace Prize for medicine, the real one not the one they give to presidents, or when Brian invents a new laser beam. Yea that will be a good day.



My thick skin has been great for me, when something bad happens I let it bounce off of my thick skin and then I just forget about it. Great way to deal with any problem...not. I've learned that just because the problem is bouncing away from me right now doesn't mean it won't come back. Mostly I would bounce girl problems off me and come back to them never. So last summer I got dumped and said I am handling this differently. The past year has been good and I have been facing problems but every now and then I realize that I still have that shell up.



I love being tough, that is the key to any good thick shell. No weakness, no mercy, no pain. Sometimes I just start acting tough and I don't realize that my shell is "protecting" me. Tonight it was hard not to have a tough guy image driving this:

Thanks work. I love my job. A lot just came crashing down on me today, maybe the fact I don't really know what I will be doing in the fall? I have no idea. I was thinking about it and was like ohh crap I have to go back to school... yea that isn't ever a good realization. Nor is realizing you don't have any plan when you get back there really for classes, scheduling, work, or living arrangements. Should be an interesting first week of school.

Funny story today though. So I eat every where by myself. I always feel bad taking a table because I waste a couple extra seats but I feel really uncomfortable at the bar because I don't drink and waitresses don't get as big a tip from guys who don't drink so as soon as they see me not ordering alcohol I feel like I put on a sign that says don't serve me well today. Yet I hate waiting and so I sit at the bar everywhere I go to eat. Tonight I walk in to Ruby Tuesdays. I look at the bar and see there are about 5 other guys there with about 15 empty seats. Baseball game is on, so that is a deal sealer. I sit down and order the most expensive non-alcoholic drink. Waitress says okay, it is kinda slow so she gets right to my drink. I look down and look up just to see her measuring out a shot from a glass bottle full of clear liquid. SHOOT! I run my order through my head and watch her for a bit to see if she is making mine or someone else's. I realize it is and say

Me: Is that my drink?

Bartender: Yea...

Me: oh, well that is fine I will pay for just dump it out.

Bartender: K. Looks at me the same way my little brother looks at a razor on Sunday morning.

Me: I don't drink alochol sorry I didn't realize I ordered one with alcohol

Bartender: I just put sugar water in it...

Me: oh.

By now the other six guys at the bar have joined our conversation and I realize then that I practically yelled I don't drink. That moment helped the tough guy shell come down. A whole lot.